Kitchen Nightmares

As we were eating dinner last night, trying to stay warm and scarf down our food before it iced over, Paul joked, "I sure hope we move up in life someday." This was a very literal sentiment, as we are currently living in an actual, unfinished basement.

As unfinished basements go, it's actually very nice. The lady we are renting from loves to do home improvement projects. She installed a bathroom, kitchen area, lights, locks, and a shower, put in a bed, dresser, desk, some tables, painted the walls and ceiling, cleaned the floors, and decorated so the place looks quite cute and kitschy.  Oh, and did I mention that she has moderately advanced Multiple Sclerosis and Disautonomia, both degenerative neurological conditions? And I thought I had problems! Myrtle is determined to live each day to the fullest, even in the midst of great physical pain and the knowledge that her days are numbered, and she will not get better. She is quite inspirational.

And so, inspired by Myrtle, I am trying to live each day to the fullest as well. Right now, I'm trying to expand my mind by learning some new and practical skills. Yesterday, I learned that baking biscotti requires some specific skill sets which I do not currently possess... The recipe was telling me to do strange things like "make a well in the mixture." So I dug a little hole in the middle of my bowl of flour. "Pour the melted chocolate into the well and stir until a soft dough forms." So, I poured it in and stirred everything vigorously until I had a bunch of little dough clumps. "Turn out dough on to lightly floured surface." Turn out? Couldn't they just say pour? So I scraped my little doughlets onto a floured cutting board. "Gently knead mixture until combined. (About 1-2 minutes.)" So they wanted me to combine the dough balls? I grabbed my concoction and tried smushing it together, but the more I smushed, the tougher and more crumbly it got. About 13 minutes later, I decided to move on to the next step. "Place dough on the pan," Why were they talking about it as though it should be a singular entity? "And form it into a log." I pushed my crumbled pieces of chocolate flavored clay into something that looked like it could be a log. "Gently flatten dough to 1/4 inch." I didn't think I could get my log to stand taller than 1/4 inch if I tried! I slipped the pan in the oven, and followed the baking directions to a tee. When I pulled my log out... It did not look like biscotti. Not even a little. I thought it might still have a chance of tasting like biscotti, but when I managed to crack a small piece between my teeth and grind it down enough to taste it, it was not all I had expected and more. Where had I gone wrong!? At that point, I turned to my encyclopedia of cooking terminology and realized several ways in which I had gone terribly wrong.

I will be attempting to bake biscotti again, perhaps tomorrow. I will not be defeated by pastry! And next time, I think I'll read my terminology BEFORE I botch the baking.